this time around

Just one month after our miscarriage, and this little one is growing. I thought this would be harder but it's going well. It feels right. I think things will be okay. I thought I would be terrified & pessimistic, but I am finding the ability to love this baby with the same fierceness and recklessness that I love Lily, and that I loved our last little one. And I am so thankful for every day I carry him or her. 

Seven weeks into this pregnancy and oh, how I can feel it. The hormones are definitely taking over & my body is focused on growing this tiny human. Soreness and nausea and exhaustion and emotions and all. All of it. All I want is Chinese food. Or pizza. Or a cheeseburger. And then two minutes later I can't stomach the thought of eating anything. That's where I am right now. All of it makes me happy, but all of it makes me cry and wish this wasn't so hard. But it is worth it, and I know.

I can't handle anything sweet or anything "healthy" (like, the thought of a salad or a green smoothie...) and all I really want to eat is protein and carbs. So, cheeseburgers. From In n Out. And I tried Ginger Ale and I'm pretty sure it's my official new worst enemy, oddly enough. Probably because it's so sweet. 

I've had one dream about this little one and in my dream, it was a girl. A baby sister for Lily. We'll see.