A few weeks ago, I made the decision to close down Lily and Mama Market and stop selling slings. I had been struggling with the decision for almost a year and after so many hours talking (read: ugly crying) to my husband, I finally did it. People have asked me if I was sad about it, or they've said "sorry about your business" and I haven't really known how to react or what to say about any of it.
I thought it would be different. I thought it would feel like losing a part myself, but it doesn't. I do miss it in little ways -- the way my phone would "cha-ching" when I sold an item, telling people that I'm a "work at home mom" and I "own my own business", or even just daydreaming about the possibilities for my business. And sometimes it's a little sad that it's all over.
But mostly? Mostly I am relieved. I can BREATHE. I can just be. I can relax and soak in my family and I feel so free! I can be mentally and physically present for my family and know that nobody else needs anything from me.
I am so thankful that we are able to make it work for me to stay at home full time. It is literally the greatest joy of my life, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders in the past few weeks. Because for me it had always come down to a feeling of not being "enough" if I was "just a mom". And now I'm realizing that feeling has always been wrong.
I can let it sink in that I don't have to be in Hustlin' Mama mode all the time. I don't have to "make something of myself" outside of the home. I can if I want to -- but my value as a person isn't dependent on it. Our culture views the stay at home mom with pity or disdain, as if it is an undesirable or unworthy way to live.
But being a Mama, a wife, a daughter, a neighbor, a friend -- it's enough. These roles we play, they are important. I am enough for them and they are enough for me. I'm done chasing followers or likes or sales or page views or even "getting free stuff for being an influencer". Everything that matters is right here under my roof. Everything else is extra.